Will The COVID-19 Crisis Change Me? I Hope So

What happens when it’s time to go back to business as usual?

I just finished up my taxes, which is always a mixed blessing. Along with the sense of relief at completing the annual ordeal comes the annual uneasiness that I may have made a costly mistake in arithmetic.  Those feelings will go away in a few days, but what won’t go away soon is the threat that COVID-19 poses right now to our world and to the health of those I love. Like everyone else, I have bigger fish to fry than worrying about the IRS. 

To divert my attention, I call my 90-year old mother every few days to check on her. I make Facetime calls with family and friends to see how they are coping, and I ache to once again hold tight my grandkids who live just a few minutes away. On another front, I spend a lot of time thinking about the wedding we have planned for our daughter this summer, nervous that it might look far different from the celebration we have envisioned. I am troubled about my family members who can’t earn a living or get an education during this crisis. I have an adopted grandchild in China, waiting for travel bans to be lifted so his new parents can come get him. The list of potential worries is endless. 

These are legitimate concerns, but I am trying to put them in perspective. My family is blessed that, so far, no one is sick. I am fortunate to have a home I can retreat inside. (My wife and I recently returned from doing volunteer tornado cleanup in Nashville, and I think of the countless people there who have lost the shelter of their homes during this ordeal.) I am thankful for technology that allows some semblance of intimate contact with friends and loved ones and allows me to attend a virtual church service every Sunday. I am grateful for the ability to walk through my neighborhood and talk with those around me, even if we have to keep three arm’s lengths away (or more) from one another. There are so many voices telling me, “It could be a lot worse.” 

But I confess that in those silent moments when I can’t distract myself away from reality, fear tries to creep in. It’s fear based not on any certain or identifiable threat, but of what “could” happen. It’s fear based on my inability to thoroughly control my environment, or our government, or the stock market, or an invisible virus that has already taken thousands of lives. 

And then I ask myself, “`Wait a minute, could I ever control any of that before this pandemic?” If I’m honest, I have to say no, not really. So what has changed? Why the sudden onset of new fear? It’s because now, instead of blithely going through life either unaware of or uncaring about the potential threats constantly surrounding me, I’m forced to face this reality: I have little control over any external force. I never did before, and I never will. 

But I DO have control over one thing: how I respond to it. I can be safe. I can wash, disinfect and practice physical distancing. I can ramp up my care and concern for others. I can get creative about helping those in need and try to encourage others who may secretly harbor the same anxieties I do. 

Remember the film Apollo 13?  There’s a scene where Flight Director Gene Kranz (Ed Harris) overhears a NASA director say, “This could be the worst disaster NASA has ever experienced,” to which Kranz replies, “With all due respect sir, I believe this is going to be our finest hour.” 

Will the Coronavirus crisis be our worst disaster or our finest hour? To become the latter, it’s going to take planning, not just from health officials, but from all of us. Here’s my plan, at least for the short-term: First, I’m going to be smart. I’m going to do my best to not be infected or to infect others. 

Secondly, I’m going to look for opportunities to reach out to people around me, not only for their benefit, but also for my own. For starters, I’ve implemented the first of what I hope will be a series of ideas. Because I recently had a couple of stories published in a new “Chicken Soup for the Soul” volume, I received a box of books in the mail the other day. After scrubbing them all down with disinfectant wipes, I walked through my neighborhood passing the paperbacks out to anyone outdoors, hoping the readers would be encouraged by the funny and entertaining stories in them. That resulted in numerous enlivened conversations, talking with people I had never encountered before, even though they live within a couple of blocks from me. 

Staying healthy and encouraging others is actually the easy part. Here’s the hardest: I need to trust less in the things that I can’t control—those things that have proven unreliable and fragile and insecure—health, work, savings, shelter, routine, government, and me. Instead, I need to trust more fully in the only One whom I know to be completely reliable and able. 

There’s a song in the Bible that says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way.” (Psalm 46:1-2) Though the song is ancient, the truth is present-day. This virus ordeal snuck up on me, but it didn’t sneak up on Him. I don’t know how or when it’s going to end, but He does. 

So, no more hand-wringing, no more blaming, no more fretting because I can’t control my environment or other people. I’m determined to find out what I can learn from all this, not just for today, but also for the months to come and for the rest of my life. The COVID-19 calamity will affect us all, but it would be a bigger tragedy if it didn’t change our outlook, our perspective, how we plan and how we treat one another.  When the emergency is over, I’m inclined to not go back to “business as usual,” not with such an opportunity for positive change staring me in the face. I’m resolved to continue asking myself, “What are we going to do with this? Where do we go from here? What changes now?” 

I’m looking forward to the answers.

© Nick Walker 2020 

What about you? Has this crisis inspired you to change anything? Please scroll down and comment below.